To Every Woman without a Child on Mother’s Day

I know so many women who do not look forward to Mother’s Day.  For women who suffer from infertility and for women who have lost a child, Mother’s Day is a brutal reminder of what has eluded them.

Infertility is like a thief, robbing women of what they believe to be naturally theirs.  And when motherhood becomes something unobtainable, every period, every baby, everyone else’s pregnancy becomes a cruel reminder of what is not yours. In labor and delivery, we often see women give birth who didn’t mean to get pregnant, who shouldn’t have gotten pregnant. I often think about the women who struggle with infertility, but especially on Mother’s Day, I think of the women out there yearning for motherhood and I pray that the day passes quickly for them.

For women who have lost a child, Mother’s Day is a reminder of the child they are no longer able to mother. Maybe they had a miscarriage. Maybe they had a stillbirth. Maybe their child was taken before they thought it was their time. Maybe they’d give anything for any amount of extra time with their baby. How can a woman never have the chance to watch their baby grow, and grow up? How can a woman watch their baby grow, and grow up, and then loose them? How can you be and then no longer be, a mother to a baby that was yours? The truth is, you can’t. Even if you only had one positive pregnancy test, even if your baby never took a breath, even if your baby took many breaths throughout the years and then their time was suddenly stolen from you, you will always remain that baby’s mother. But without that child to look at on Mother’s Day, it’s a hard reminder of what could have, should have been, but isn’t. And I think about that on Mother’s Day, now that I’m a nurse and see how many things can go wrong, and now that I’m a mother myself.

I have known so many women who have miscarried. I have taken care of so many women who have had stillbirths. I have known women who have lost their children to illness, to accidents. Thinking about these women, my heart has always ached for them. But thinking of them now, my breath catches in my throat, it’s kind of difficult to breathe, and it’s just so unbelievably hard to imagine. So I guess I just want these women to know that on Mother’s Day, someone is thinking about them. I guess I just want them to know that they are not forgotten, that they aren’t alone. I guess I just want them to know that Mother’s Day comes once a year, and even though the day will come and go quickly, someone out there knows that every day is a reminder. But on this Mother’s Day, if you are one of these women, know that you are celebrated too. Know that nothing truly shows the strength of a mother like that of a woman who loved and lost a child, or a woman who loved the child that they could never have.

Until my next delivery ❤

5 thoughts on “To Every Woman without a Child on Mother’s Day

  • May 1, 2016 at 11:17 pm

    I have lost three pregnancies in the past two years, and I really appreciate this post and your sentiments. You’ve put into words what I oftentimes have trouble articulating.

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  • May 2, 2016 at 3:17 am

    You know how long we tried and waited and hoped, it is a very difficult day….especially when you’re childless AND motherless!

  • May 2, 2016 at 3:21 am

    Wow, not only is your post very thoughtful, but timely.
    I’m praying for my daughter with each breath, as she is trying so very hard to conceive, endured a long surgery to remove a cyst and Endometriosis, been through several IUI’s and is now going for IVF, having whatever tests, etc. that might need to be done again, to proceed.
    Being HER mother, my heart breaks every time her treatments and procedures don’t succeed, and I don’t even know whether or not to ‘mention’ Mother’s Day to her, …. because I want so much for her to conceive and realize her own dream. My ‘dream’ is her dream, and knowing what she may miss if IVF doesn’t work for them. I wonder if they would consider adoption, or what path they might choose if the IVF doesn’t produce a pregnancy.

    Again, there are the mothers who’s children, for whatever reason, don’t think about their mom, and consider the pain of having a child who don’t acknowledge their mom. There are also the moms who have children who are in prison, moms who chose adoption over abortion, and after seeing a news article recently about death penalties, there are moms who had to endure seeing their child die for a crime. There are moms who give birth on “Mother’s Day”, and moms who hold tightly to their dying mother on “Mothers Day”. Every single one is so very important. Let’s also remember those who have chosen to be a “mother” to the youngsters who have been abandoned or “lost in the system”. May ALL of the “mothers” out there filling the role of “Mom” to someone, be very, very blessed!

    Sometimes I think there shouldn’t be a ‘commercial’ “Mother’s Day”, but a private acknowledgement from a child directly to a mom …. on the day of their own choosing, with no commercials. Perhaps not having a highly publicized “Mothers Day” might lessen some of the pain for those who’s dreams didn’t have the hoped-for outcome! Bless them all.


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