What Comes Out of My Mouth vs. What I Say In My Head – the Daughter Edition

I amaze myself every day that I manage to keep (most of) these thoughts to myself!

p.s. I love people who say everything I think in my head…


You need to go to bed early, because you need a good night’s sleep.

I want to drink a bottle of wine, and I don’t want you to see me and tell your teacher that I’m an alcoholic.

You’ve been so good, why don’t I pick you up McDonald’s?

I totally don’t feel like cooking. And it’s cheap.

You’re growing up so fast!

I wish you’d slow down, but since you won’t, and you’re DYING to grow up, when will you be able to wash your own clothes and drive yourself around!?

I think that’s great that you want to play volleyball.

Oh God, there’s no way I can work another job to pay for a club sport—but on the bright side, at least I wouldn’t have to watch you play outside in this heat.

Go outside and play, the fresh air is good for you.

I need 5 minutes of quiet time. On second thought, come in when the street lights turn on.

Don’t forget to feed the dog.


cat shake head

Don’t climb on that elliptical.

I need to climb on that elliptical.

No, your friend can’t spend the night tonight.

There’s a reason you don’t have another brother or sister.


Do you need help with your homework?

As long as it’s not math, I have no idea how you multiply that way.

You got a C on that assignment?

Seriously?! You’re in 4th grade…how hard can it really be!?

You don’t like the food I just made?

Don’t you know that’s $18 parmesan? You better not say you’re hungry in 5 minutes!

What do you mean you’re hungry now?

Why didn’t I just pick up McDonald’s?

Don’t eat any more ice cream.

I totally planned on eating that later.


You cannot wear that outfit.

Everyone will think I’m a bad mom, or that you’re homeless.

That’s not appropriate language.

I hope you didn’t hear that from me.


Until my next delivery ❤

Leave a Reply

Be the First to Comment!

I want to hear what you have to say!

%d bloggers like this: