What Comes Out of My Mouth vs. What I Say In My Head – the Daughter Edition

I amaze myself every day that I manage to keep (most of) these thoughts to myself!

p.s. I love people who say everything I think in my head…

lady-blinking

You need to go to bed early, because you need a good night’s sleep.

I want to drink a bottle of wine, and I don’t want you to see me and tell your teacher that I’m an alcoholic.

You’ve been so good, why don’t I pick you up McDonald’s?

I totally don’t feel like cooking. And it’s cheap.

You’re growing up so fast!

I wish you’d slow down, but since you won’t, and you’re DYING to grow up, when will you be able to wash your own clothes and drive yourself around!?

I think that’s great that you want to play volleyball.

Oh God, there’s no way I can work another job to pay for a club sport—but on the bright side, at least I wouldn’t have to watch you play outside in this heat.

Go outside and play, the fresh air is good for you.

I need 5 minutes of quiet time. On second thought, come in when the street lights turn on.

Don’t forget to feed the dog.

For the love of God, YOU SAID YOU WOULD TAKE CARE OF IT IF WE GOT ONE.

cat shake head

Don’t climb on that elliptical.

I need to climb on that elliptical.

No, your friend can’t spend the night tonight.

There’s a reason you don’t have another brother or sister.

sigh

Do you need help with your homework?

As long as it’s not math, I have no idea how you multiply that way.

You got a C on that assignment?

Seriously?! You’re in 4th grade…how hard can it really be!?

You don’t like the food I just made?

Don’t you know that’s $18 parmesan? You better not say you’re hungry in 5 minutes!

What do you mean you’re hungry now?

Why didn’t I just pick up McDonald’s?

Don’t eat any more ice cream.

I totally planned on eating that later.

Sebastian-from-The-Little-Mermaid-Surprise-GIFs

You cannot wear that outfit.

Everyone will think I’m a bad mom, or that you’re homeless.

That’s not appropriate language.

I hope you didn’t hear that from me.

 

Until my next delivery ❤


Leave a Reply

Be the First to Comment!

I want to hear what you have to say!

wpDiscuz
%d bloggers like this: