The 25 Different Types of Nurses

Oh yes, I went there 😃  

Most of us are a combination of these…

1.  The Opinionated One – Almost every nurse can claim this one! But that’s okay…remember, we’re paid for our professional opinion 😉

2.  The Health Buff – This is the nurse that works out after work (or OMG before work). They bring their lunch, they talk about how many miles they’ve clocked with their Fit Bit, and they aren’t ordering breakfast tacos on the weekend. This.is.not.me.

Does this count?! :/
Does this count?! :/

3.  The Aggressor – They aren’t really a jerk. They just don’t know that they sound pushy and are oblivious to the fact they (frequently) rub people the wrong way. Their intentions are good and you can always count on them to say exactly what you’re thinking in your head. Which is kind of awesome.

4.  The Oversharer – You just want to finish watching the last 2 minutes of ID Investigator before you deliver your patient when they walk into the breakroom. You’ll shove whatever food is left on your plate into your mouth and head out the door before you’re stuck endlessly waiting for them to finish another story.  One thing is for certain: you’ll never find out who did it 😞 and you probably know more about their family than you do about your own…

5.  The Loner – You may not even know their last name :/

6.  The Drill Sergeant – You can hear them from down the hall, yelling ” harder, harder, harder” like a sleazy Cinemax movie when it’s time for their patient to push. And they never have trouble coaxing a post-cesarean delivery mom out of their bed to walk.  For the record, I would do what they told me to too 😃

7.  The Investigator – Giving them report is like playing “How-Many-Questions-Can-I-Ask-In-Five-Minutes.”  They want to know every single detail about the patient. And their family.  And their visitors.

8.  The Hider – Unfortunately, I’m always the seeker.  Every time it’s time to hand over a patient, it’s like an inevitable game of hide-and-seek.  I’m not saying they don’t want to be found. I’m just saying they’ve been sitting at the nurses station for the past 4 hours and now you need a GPS to find them.

9.  The Late Arriver – You can’t remember the last time they arrived on time. Management is either blind, or they too have given up any hope that they’ll show up to work before 7am.

10.  The Lawyer – They argue about anything and everything.

11.  The Mess Maker – When you take over their patient, the room is a chaotic mess. Dirty linens are spilling out of the hamper, you can probably find blood somewhere in the bed, and hastily scribbled notes are near the computer. There’s probably an empty IV bag in the sink as I’m typing this.

12.  The Cucumber – It could be raining patients who are all multips, complete, and ruptured, but this nurse will stay as cool as a cucumber.

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13.  The Wild Card – Who knows what this nurse is thinking or doing. I’m not implying they’re on illegal drugs, I’m just saying we scan for their name every time we get a Nurses Bulletin from the Board of Nursing in the mail.  You know what I’m talking about…

14.  The Go-Getter – These nurses are on every committee and are out to change the world.  Thank God, someone’s got to do it, ’cause if I add one more thing to my plate my husband will serve me with divorce papers.

15.  The Non-Mixer – These nurses do not mix their honey with their money. They do not go out after work for drinks, they aren’t texting their coworkers when they’re at home, and they don’t come in on their days off for party’s at work.

16.  The Mother Hen – They bake cakes and cookies for staff.  They mother their patients, helping them into and out of the shower and making sure they’re nice and comfortable in their bed.  They’re always concerned about their patient’s pain, and they freely dish out hugs to their coworkers and to their patients. This is who I ask for every time I’m in the hospital 😃

17.  The Control Freak – Do not go into their patient’s room unless you think someone’s dying.

18.  The Germaphobe – They wont eat anything that’s left out on the table in the lounge, they wont touch door knobs unless they have on gloves, and they do not eat other people’s food.  You know who I’m talking about.

19.  The Slow Charter – Slow charter or no charter? Reading their notes is like having only a few peices of a puzzle. They are never caught up on their charting.

20.  The Drama Queen – Every single day, the unit is going to hell in a hand basket. Each patient is one step away from a STAT delivery.  It’s just the way they roll.

21.  The Gret-Gret – This one sways when she walks, like she’s listening to music in her head. She doesn’t have a care in the world. Her patient’s complete? Don’t worry, she’ll get there (and she will 😉 She walks slow, she eats slow, and everything she does has a rhythm.  I wish I were listening to that kind of music… btw, this is the only one I wrote with someone in mind 😉

22.  The Hypochondriac – If they have a cold, it’s Swine Flu. A cough? They have pneumonia. Chills? It’s Ebola. In fact, they’re probably  on their death-bed right this second.

23.  The Frozen One – And I’m not talking about a Disney movie :/ These nurses are frozen in time, still complaining about electronic medical records and talking about how it’s no longer about patient care. They constantly complain about the emphasis on patient satisfaction and talk about how it was better back in the day. Yeah, because back it was much better taking care of 4 mag patients or 8 couplets.

24.  The Micromanager – They totally have good intentions, but they run around so fast, worried about absolutely everything.  They’re a little like a scrambled egg, or a chicken without a head.  You get the idea. But they’re just trying to help.

25.  The Seasoned One – Ooooh yeaaaah. These are the nurses that have been around the block. They don’t complain too much about change, they just go with the flow. When they walk into your room when your mom or baby is crashing, it’s like they’re illiminated in a white light. They know what they’re doing and their hands never shake.  Doctors listen when they speak and do what they say. They totally know their stuff.  These nurses are worth their weight in GOLD 😃

Until my next delivery ❤

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