Lies From a Labor and Delivery Nurse

lies 2

You’re 9cm. Ok, you might really be complete and +1. But trust me, five minutes of pushing feels like an hour and I’m really doing both of us a favor.  Labor down!

No, you aren’t pooping when you push. We’re just trying not to talk. Or breathe. But rest assured, we’ll clean it up as quick as we can, because we know that other people in the room may not have a poker face as good as ours 😃 And if  you do realize you’re pooping, we’ll pull out that old preschool saying and tell you that everyone poops.  But that. is. also. a. lie 😏

That’s a big baby for you. Really, you may have just been a bad pusher 😞 Don’t feel bad, sometimes those epidurals can numb everything right up.

Yes, that was a big contraction. Trust me sister, if you’re talking about how ‘big’ the contraction is, it wasn’t that big. Wait until you want to punch someone in the face for looking at you the wrong way. And p.s., external monitors can’t tell us how “strong” your contractions are, they just basically tell us when you’re having one.  We can only really tell how hard your contractions are by putting our hands on your belly.

I never miss an IV. Uhhh, I miss IVs all the time. I’m pretty good, but sometimes veins roll, sometimes they’re flat, sometimes they’re deep, and sometimes I just miss. Sometimes you barely touch them with the IV catheter and they blow. All I know is, I will find a way to make it not my fault…Ohhh, you’re veins are so tiny. Are you a smoker? Do you drink enough water? I told you not to move 😏

You are my only patient. If we’re taking care of you, we’re also taking care of your baby, and they count as a patient too. On top of that, labor nurses have to “watch” everyone else’s patients. All the time. Because if any baby crashes, everyone has to be prepared to help out —minutes matter.

We’re wearing this mask when you get an epidural because we want to minimize the risk of you getting an infection. Really, your breath just stinks 😷 Most places don’t make us wear a mask if we’re standing in front of you and not behind you, where all the action is happening.  One word: halitosis. Not everyone has stinky breath, but usually that’s the last thing on your mind when you’ve been laboring all night. I get it! I’m just still going to wear my mask.

We’re doing a perineal wash with Hibiclens when you’re admitted because that’s just what we do.  Or we may not be able to handle the smell 😧 On a better note, we will not remember what your vagina looked like/smelled like/felt like 5 seconds after walking out of your room. Guaranteed.

No, I don’t think it’s weird that you want your brother or dad in your room when you deliver.  To each their own…but seriously, this is a little strange.  And by the way, they never stay at the head of the bed…

You have my favorite provider. You might have our favorite provider, but you might have one that we think is a complete prick. We’ll still tell you they’re our favorite provider because they’re your provider. But as your labor nurse, regardless if we like your provider or not, we will fight for anything that we think is right for you

I love your baby’s name. In my head, I’m screaming WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!? In fact, if I really don’t like your baby’s name, I’ll literally try to say it 100 times before you deliver, hoping that you’ll hear it and realize how crazy it sounds.

Press the call-light if you need anything. What we really mean to say is, press the call-light if you need anything important. And if you need anything that anyone else in your room can help you with, ask them first.  I’m just saying there are ten people in your room that can get you more ice.  Just throwing that out there.

I’m not sick, it’s just allergies.  Ok, I might be sick. All I know is, I’m not dying and I don’t have a fever greater than 101. I just don’t want to leave my coworkers in a bind. And I don’t have any more PTO. And if I call in one more time I might get fired…

I can’t stay to deliver you because I have to pick up my daughter from her babysitter. What I really mean to say is that if I come home late from work one more day this week, my husband might divorce me and my daughter may stop calling me mom. But I do wish I could be there for your delivery.  Just not that bad 😕

There’s no more pain after you deliver the baby.  This is something we say to give you a little extra urge to push when it counts the most.  And although it’s true that the pain you will have after you deliver a baby vaginally is nothing compared to the pain you feel when you are actually trying to push that baby out, it’s still a baby, coming out of your vagina. It’s going to be a little sore! But again, it will be nothing like it was when you were actually pushing.  And don’t get me started on cesarean deliveries…

I talk to your provider all day long.  Okay, we called them when you got here, and we’ll call them again when your baby is crowning. If I had to call them at any other time between those two events, it was to report something that wasn’t going too well.

It’s okay that you screamed at us/tried to hit us/acted like a complete psycho during labor.  We were really gritting our teeth while we tried to calm down the crazy, and depending on your level of craziness, we may have even talked about you in the lounge. But trust me, you weren’t the first and you will not be the last, so don’t sweat it (we don’t!).  And, it gives us all something to laugh about ❤

Until my next delivery ❤

Warnings for Working Moms

 


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189 Comments on "Lies From a Labor and Delivery Nurse"

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Anonymous
Guest

Soooo True!!!!

Anonymous
Guest

Made me laugh!! Must love it. Just finished my 32nd year!

Anonymous
Guest

Ditto!!!

anonymous
Guest

So dead on…..I love it…..keep them coming

joyce
Guest
I was actually really nice to my nurses. I cried a lot because my external monitoring wasn’t working so they kept upping my pitocin and i wanted to die in the bed because of pain. Nut i ried my very best to keep saying. “I am sorry if i am being mean. I know its your job. Thank you for helping again.” i thought it was kinda funny when she went to straight cath me so i could pee and yelped in surprised because i was about to deliver out of no where. 14 hours of labour induction and my… Read more »
brandieilenstein
Guest

Thank you nurses for all you do. Our first born child was stillborn in May. Our nurses were so amazing with us. Our morning nurse stayed with us after her shift ended so that she was my coach while I delivered. She was such a blessing to our family and will forever be a part of our Hannah’s story. Our night nurse treated our precious girl with so much respect and care. I will never forget the team that helped us get through one of the most painful days in our lives. God bless you!

Anonymous
Guest

So sorry for your loss.

Selena
Guest
My first labor lasted for 19 hours! It was awful but my nurses were amazing. They took such great care of me, my husband, and my son when he was FINALLY born. I had to have an emergency c-section and I was so scared. The nurses totally put me at ease and I so appreciate all they did and said. You know what, maybe at some point they did lie to me about something. Well, if they did, it’s ok. Their job is to make me and my husband more at ease and not scared. Everything turned out fine and… Read more »
Selena
Guest

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for my post to come in under yours and there is no way that I can find to fix it. I meant for it to be a general reply to the blog.

Anonymous
Guest

Thank you for this comment. People always say, “Oh what a happy job you have!” Sometimes a birthday and a funeral service happen in the same few hours. It’s so painful, yet so meaningful to help a new family through this tragedy with respect and compassion.

Anonymous
Guest

I am so sorry

Crystal
Guest

I have three beautiful girls now however they do not replace my first, the little boy I lost sixteen years ago.

hxc4jesus
Guest

Aw, all my natural deliveries were wonderful. never had that much pain before, during or after. I never screamed, swore, punched, kicked or yelled at my nurses. I hope they weren’t lying when they said I was one of the best mothers they delivered. lol Actually, natural child birth wasn’t bad, was nothing like any of this. I believe the key to an easy delivery is “relaxing” and “breathing”. Did Lamaze style.

Anonymous
Guest

You’re the exception, not the rule. But good for you..

Anonymous
Guest

Actually her experience is quite typical of those mothers who do plan for their birth by educating themselves and preparing to birth unmediated (including pitocin) by attending Hypno birthing, Bradley, or yes-even a Lamaze class! Good for you and “lucky” for your baby! Hugs NOT drugs!

Cindy
Guest

I had my last baby with hypnobirthing, and it made a HUGE difference. At one point the nurse told me to oush through the pain, and I looked at her and said, “what pain”! It was my fourth child, and my easiest labor. The after labor pains of my uterus going down hurt worse than the actual labor. So even though it won’t be the case for everyone, it can be done.

Jennifer Whitehead
Guest

Me too! I think the worst thing they did was to do away with Lamaze. My deliveries were a breeze. Just breathing and pushing. Only three times at that!! If I were a OB I wouldn’t deliver unless they at least took the course. Epidural=Long labors from all the stories I’ve heard.

Anonymous
Guest

Not true for me. Had an epidural at 12 noon and had my son two hours later at 2:04. Hugs not drugs is bullshit talk from hippy moms.

Anonymous
Guest

Three labors.. three epidurals and the longest labor was 6.5 hours from start to finish. All inductions as well. Longest time pushing was 30 minutes. EVERY labor is different. I had great experiences with mine and am glad I had epidurals. Others are glad they didn’t.

Tiarra
Guest

My labor halted from stress- was in for 3 days. Had an epidural slept for thirty mins and was woken up to deliver- not everyone’s the same and it’s not fair to condemn people when they are different in so manny ways chemically physically and emotionally.

Anonymous
Guest

I agree! Had all four of mine using lamaze

Mary Gardner Tarrant
Guest

they did away with lamaze?????? i ended up with 2 c-sections 26 and 30 years ago, but did lamaze until i had to have c-section….was great

germaningeorgia
Guest

SPOT ON!!!

ayietim1
Guest

Very factual, truthful and hilarious.

banyantree
Guest

Perfect, on the money!

Anonymous in PA
Guest

Retired OB nurse after 41 years. Love your posts! It is amazing how universal so many of your topics are! Please keep them coming. They are always a highlight to my day, bringing back fond memories of why I did that for so long! No one else can really understand.

Abonin
Guest

All I can say is WOW!!! Unbelievable that it is people like you and your followers that “love this” that my loved ones put their trust into when they do not know any better. Please please please do many of us a favor and get out of this field that you absolutely should not be in!!!

Elizabeth Jude Photography
Guest
I know I was one of the people that my nurses laughed at from screaming and cussing in pain. With My first child I swore the whole time I was going to get an epidural, and when it was baby time, I went from 4 cm to 10 cm in 30 minutes. My whole labor and delivery was 2 hrs and 45 mins. I went from refusing to push until I had something to numb the pain, to sreaming and cussing (not at the nurse though). And my nurse said that it happens all the time. It was reassuring and… Read more »
tattood_mom
Guest
Abonin, You shouldn’t make a statement like that. US labor nurses love what we do and you and your family members do put your trust in us and you should. We are the ones that take care of your family members and that unborn child. Unless you have been in our shoes you cannot judge. We see your loved ones at their worst and maintain our smiles and composure despite being treated like crap. We give so much of ourselves daily that we’re often empty at the end of the day and have nothing left to give to our own… Read more »
Amanda
Guest

I think you are taking this post completely the wrong way. We could all write these about our jobs. Labor nurses work very hard and are an essential part to the whole birth experience. If they hated their job, they could move to a different field in nursing. They stay because they love it. This is simply a reality check of the things they push through to create the most amazing moment between a mother and a child. Chill!
I love this post!!

Becky Schroeder
Guest

I’m with Abonin. This is insensitive. Do you have children yourself? Have you had a hard or traumatic labor and delivery? If not, then put the pen down. I have a HUGE sense of humor, but I also had a really, really hard time giving birth. It was BAD and I think there was more the nurses could have done to help. If you tell lies to “help/protect” us, then what’s the point of then telling us they are lies?

Anonymous
Guest

As a Labor and Delivery RN for 30 years, I admit I lie to protect you. To protect your pride, your modesty, your peace of mind, and even your baby (stressed moms have stressed babies). Trust me. At the time you’re glad to hear a reassuring lie. It’s what keeps you going. And later, if you find out maybe some things were not quite the truth, as you’re holding that healthy baby, I’m sure most are thankful for it!

Anonymous
Guest

I’ll be giving birth in a few weeks and I find it comforting that the nurses have a sense of humor about all this. It reminds me that many women have gone through this before and that I’m being cared for by real people. Thank you.

Anonymous
Guest
I have many children and they all haven’t been the best experiences. It sound like you have some unresolved trauma and I’m sorry you had a bad experience. I’m also sorry that the nurses weren’t as helpful as you needed. Some women do end up with PTSD after a traumatic delivery. One of my deliveries went exactly as I wanted and I think that was very healing after the one that didn’t. I don’t think anyone wants to be in the throes of labor and hear their nurse say that you stink because you haven’t showered/brushed your teeth. That is… Read more »
Anonymous
Guest
Wow….I’m thinking the title should not have been 17 lies….but maybe things we Nurses say so you don’t freak the hell out. Cmon…. I’m sure in other fields, people post things like 17 things lawyers say, or 17 things the UPS guy does to your package marked FRAGILE or even 17 things your teacher REALLY thinks aboutyour brat child…..my point is its funny for US. Because we see this stuff every day. So lighten up. OK? O by the way, if we told you the truth….you would be so damn scared to have a child in the hospital you would… Read more »
Anonymous
Guest

I had a very traumatic birthing experience, Pre-eclampsia first then went into full-blown HELLP syndrome after and can still laugh at this. Birth is Never easy and rainbows and gumdrops.

Anonymous
Guest

This is hilarious and spot on! As nurses, we have a sense of humor that some non-nurses don’t find funny. But some non-nurses do find this stuff funny as well. If you are one of the people who don’t find it funny then YOU should not be in the healthcare field. Anywhere. You have no idea what makes a good nurse. I can identify with all these lies. I’ve told them myself many times!

sadly
Guest

I so agree with you Abonin. This was put on Facebook by a nurse that many friends had help in their delivery(ies).So sad that this time is made fun of. If you want to make fun release stress, get in a nurses group and not ruin our birthing experiences for us. You get paid well and say you do it to help people. Do you suppose firemen make fun of the people who die, or wet or poop their pants out of fear?Get a grip of what empathy and compassion is about or change careers. Furious and sad.

BgBdMom
Guest
To “Sadly”, Being married to a Fireman, and being an RN for 23 years, most spent in Women and Children’s specialties and the ED, I can answer your , whiny, self centered, naive and stupid question…..YES, Firemen, EMT/Paramedics, Cops, Nurses, Therapists, even Doctors ALL laugh at the most inappropriate things involving their patients/citizens. We have to. To get through the dead babies, the seizing Mothers, the social nightmare families the poor little infant is being sent “home” to; the broken bodies at car wrecks, the burned bodies at Fire scenes, the screaming heartbroken families left behind. So, the moment you… Read more »
Heather
Guest
So when you are in labor you want your nurse to tell you “Damn brush your teeth” or “Ewww you just pooped, no one ever does that” or God forbid after looking over your baby’s heart rate monitor “Geez that doesn’t look good, I hope your doctor gets here in time” The lies they tell are to protect your humility and sanity. I’m thankful I had my kids before working in the OB field (clinic) because ignorance is bliss for those that truly have no idea. I know my breath stunk because I had been puking in transition but she… Read more »
Anonymous
Guest
I’m married to a paramedic, and I am an ER nurse…and we absolutely find humor where we can in our jobs. Laughing at the parts you can is what gets you through all the terrible/sad/traumatic things that you experience as well. Sharing the light-hearted things about the job is in no way meant to disrespect the people we care for (people who often get our first and best while our families miss out), it is simply a way to ease the stress of our work. While your nurse may fib to you about things that don’t matter, she/he is also… Read more »
Jess
Guest
Sadly, Being told I have bad breath or just pooped would have ruined my birthing experience. I don’t see these as lies as much as discretion. And firefighters absolutely make fun of “crispy critters”, and as a law enforcement officer, I have too. It is a coping mechanism, as I believe this blog to be as well. Because as beautiful as birth is, it too has its ugly. I feel like a stalker on this page, because I am not a nurse. But I can’t help it because I love to get these glimpses into a world that has always… Read more »
Anonymous
Guest

Yes…the fireman do make fun.

Anonymous
Guest

AGREED I’ve seen more professionalism in a Wendy’s, this is pathetic and you should be fired.

thehomeschoolnurse
Guest

Oh please. Get a sense of humor. Nurses endure more than you can imagine and if we didn’t use humor to deal with it, we would be bitter and jaded and we would hate all of you.

BgBdMom
Guest

The moment you think your Holier than Thou self can hold a dead baby, try and resuscitate a burned over 80% of their body victim, or any other tragedy we deal with on a daily basis, all to do it again and again and again…step up,Bitch.

Heather
Guest

Have you seen stories on what some fast food workers do to food orders from high maintenance customers? If that is what you consider professionalism then by all means have them take care of you.

Anonymous
Guest

OMG! STFU! If this is a firing offense, there would be no one left in a hospital to take care or your ass. There would be no fucking nuns, doctors, housekeepers, social workers, etc. Damn! People! I bet you tell little kids everywhere that Santa isn’t real and you NEVER laugh at anything. Sorry for the language everyone else.

Anonymous
Guest

I hate to tell you, but that’s the customer service ‘face’ you see. What is said at the end of the day behind a customer’s back would make you think otherwise. I’ve worked in the customer service field for 20 years and everyone talks about rude customers once customers aren’t around. And usually you become some sort of inside joke for months.

Melody
Guest
I think everyone needs to learn how to laugh at themselves a little! I know I acted ridiculous at some points during my labours and I actually look back and laugh at a lot of the things I did, too! It’s all about how seriously people take themselves. I am no stranger to stress and sorrow, and I have learned how to laugh at these difficult situations, because if you don’t, you cry and you become completely incapable of moving forward or helping anyone. My husband died when I was only 32yrs old, leaving me with three young children, one… Read more »
BgBdMom
Guest

Shaddup…..I hate bitches like you.

Anonymous
Guest

The most important thing is getting a safe delivery even when mothers and family are acting crazy hats off to nurses who take the crap and remain professional while with the patient. Until you are a delivery nurse you CANNOT make such narrow minded comment

Masha
Guest

Gee… take a chill pill. Nothing that’s written in the post is offensive or meant to hurt anybody’s feelings.

anonymous
Guest

Get a grip. All profession like ours have to find ways to laugh or we would go crazy. It is not all unicorn and rainbows. This is a demanding high stress job and if laughing about the patients really bad breath on our break with our friends helps us making it through the 3 or 4 12 hour shifts we have to work in a row. Who is it hurting? We wouldn’t do it at the desk. We are only human. Sometimes you laugh to keep from crying.

Kristy
Guest

It’s totally fine to have an elective induction. For your first baby. Even though you aren’t 40 weeks. And your cervix is closed, thick, and high. No, I don’t think I you are going to have a c/s. I just wear OR gear for fun.

babydoc
Guest
This is the best lie! When I was having my first baby, my OB was at the bedside, smiling and lying so kindly to me (“of COURSE I think you can still have this baby vaginally. We’ll just keep on going..”) even though I was 30+ hours post membrane rupture and not even at 5 cm! He made a pretense of leaving the room, but I could still see my awesome nurse, smiling and saying the same stuff. She was like “yes, yes, of course, you can do this vaginally, we’re here for you” but she was literally at the… Read more »
Stacy
Guest

This is hilarious! The only thing I’m a little concerned about…delivering a baby while sick :/

obrnmum7
Guest

Just to clue everyone in. Most hospitals have strict absenteeism policies. In small rural hospitals there are no replacement nurses. Calling in sick isn’t an option. If you call in you are fired.

Anonymous
Guest

Love these!!! Been a labor nurse for 14 years… All r true. I love my job!!! Keep them coming! U r hilarious :)

Joanne
Guest

I was a labor and delivery nurse for ten years and now coming up on twenty years as a nurse midwife. You are SO spot on with a great sense of humor. Keep up the great work. We as stressed out healthcare professionals need to be able laugh. ❤️

Christina
Guest

I love this post and totally wish you could be my L&D nurse next time around because you sound like fun!

Morgan
Guest
I had no idea all the pretty lies that my nurse was telling me. I completely believed her. It wasn’t until afterwards that my mom told me. I was pushing for three and a half hours and was asking how long I had been pushing. She’d say “you’re doing great, it’s only been like two hours and most woman push for 2-4 hours.” I totally believed her. She would say the most encouraging things the whole time. I loved her!!! No one needs a negative nurse. It helped me get threw a very difficult labor and delivery. She was amazing.… Read more »
coffeemugsandsippycups
Guest

Loved this! :) I don’t mind that I was lied to because my life and my baby’s life was never in danger. :) In fact, sometimes the lies were just the motivation I needed during my deliveries. ;) I wonder if the same people who are upset about these little fibs encourage their kids to believe in Santa, the tooth fairy, etc?

Torrie B
Guest
Add me to the group that found this hilarious! I had 3 cesareans so I don’t have much experience with labor…but my daughter is giving birth in a few weeks!! Wonderful to know that the loving professionals that will be delivering will have a sense of humor and reality about themselves and take care of my daughter and unborn baby. My son had back surgery this year and I felt terrible about his bad attitude sometimes towards his nurses (scoliosis surgery, 5 day hospital stay) but it was comforting for me when they told me that it was all ok,… Read more »
Anonymous
Guest

Please let someone else that deserves a CAREER in HEALTHCARE and not just a personal forum for gossip and self pity have your very well paying job that you clearly do not deserve or appreciate. The only part I laughed at was the thought of one of you getting punched in the face. You are a disgrace.

thehomeschoolnurse
Guest

You’re just mad cause you pooped while you were pushing! Haha! I love this article! It’s HILARIOUS and TRUE!!

Anonymous
Guest
I find it ridiculous how people are actually getting their feelings hurt on here. Really??? This is hilarious and true!! I guess only other nurses would understand. It’s funny because it’s true and we deal with it on an everyday basis! Every individual patient is unique in their own way. Some are crazy some are demanding and some are just as sweet as can be. Regardless, we will follow the oath we took as nurses to protect and keep our patients safe! We will argue with the doctor when we don’t agree, we will deliver you when the doctor doesn’t… Read more »
BgBdMom
Guest

Why do bitches like you a;ways want to bring money into your insults? You know bupkus, and I am not afraid to say STFU and go away.

anonymous
Guest

Being a nurse myself, I can honestly say I would HATE to have to work a single shift with you. Your language alone shows your lack of respect for others. I know the job is stressful and we can be inappropriate in our humor, but calling people derogatory names is uncalled for. You are not helping your peers by posting inappropriately on a public forum.

Anonymous
Guest

There is something wrong with you.

Tracy
Guest
I had a C-section and didn’t realize I could leave the room with the baby to go the kitchen…until my last day at the hospital. I felt so bad for pressing the call button and asking this one nurse to get me something from the kitchen. When she told me that I could push the baby to the kitchen myself instead of calling on her, I burst into tears because I felt I had been bossing all the nurses around. My midwives and the rest of the nurses told me not to feel bad, reminded me that I had just… Read more »
thehomeschoolnurse
Guest

I love that so many people GET this! The people whining and crying are so ridiculous and juvenile. They’re probably the same people who put their kids in sports that don’t keep score, lol.

Anonymous
Guest
L & D RN for 19 years and this had me in stitches. I love my patients and their families! I also have 4 of my own children one of which was a very traumatic emergency cesarean for a prolapsed cord. We work our tails off to give everyone a safe and amazing experience. My personal goal is always to make sure each woman/family looks back on their birth as one of the most amazing times of their lives. I love the high risk births and I love the au natural births. They all have a special place in my… Read more »
daddy
Guest

As the father of ten children, I will say I am extremely thankful for some wonderful obstetric nurses that have been there even when the doctor didn’t show up on time. My experience has been wonderful most of the time, & I even got to help once! Now, of course, I was not HAVING said children, my lovely wonderful wife {that wanted 12} was, heroically. But I loved the piece.

Mal
Guest

More reason for me never to have children :-)

Nurse Jenny
Guest

Longtime L&D nurse who can vouch for all this stuff, but maybe Facebook public posts are not the best forum for this…

ourkidscanstaydry
Guest
This was a fun read. My 3rd baby came after 30 minutes of labor and 30 minutes of pushing. Just thought I’d throw in that I was begging for an epidural *after* she was born via the McRoberts maneuver. I’m thankful that my daughter made it through unscathed, but that was TERRIBLE! And I was hemorrhaging from a torn cervix, but they were causing serious pain while trying to find the source of the bleed. I kept passing out, and they kept snapping those infernal things under my nose to bring me back around. What the heck?! At least passed… Read more »
Anon
Guest

funny — except the delivering/handling babies sick part. That makes me really uncomfortable :/ I hope my nurse protects me and my baby, not endangers him.

theothermichelle
Guest
Oh my gosh, you mean I really was the only person who pooped while delivering? Talk about embarrassing!!! My husband is a doctor and his partner delivered me. I had previously had drinks with everyone in the room for a few years and now I’m finding out that it’s rare to poop during delivery? Oh my word. I am so embarrassed!!!!! LOL!!! (Loved this article, but so embarrassed!!!) Thankfully, only one out of three of my kids caused me to poop while delivering, but did it have to be the one delivered by my husband’s partner and staff? Yikes!!! LOLOL!
Anonymous
Guest

I was a Fire Fighter EMT 2 for ten years and I can tell you that yes we talked about people and made fun of situations all the time. Laughter is the best medicine and destessing tool that we as humans have.

Gizzy
Guest

Oh, man! When I go into labor now I’m going to be paranoid about every word coming out of my nurses mouth. Not that it’s a huge change, my nurse with my first wasn’t very nice so I’m already wary of them but now it’s like 10x worse. ? hopefully with this next one it goes super smooth and I only have to see my nurse the minimum amount.

E
Guest
So, let me get this straight… in your chosen profession, (teacher, minister, soup kitchen volunteer, homemaker, etc.) you have NEVER gotten emotional and tried venting via humor to help you deal??? I sincerely doubt it… I have just one phrase for you and ALL of the intolerant individuals posting rude comments, “Those who live in glass houses,” I challenge you to finish this statement with an honest and introspective self-evaluation. And please, by all means, do share the results with everyone!!! I know we all have moments that are less than becoming during emotionally charged times; but to ridicule someone… Read more »
Bethany Tab
Guest
hey! I love your blog! I have a question: why do nurses lie about how bad a woman tears during labor? I’ve given birth once and been present at 3 other births, and I’ve noticed that nurses either give good news about labor wounds or slyly avoid the subject. If I ask my nurse to be real with me about what happened and how many tears and stitches I have to get, is that enough to get real information? I had a really rough recovery with my first and wish I’d had more education about the situation I was in… Read more »
Sharon CNM
Guest
After 25 years in OB, I’ve learned something that took me a while to wrap my head around…..you can’t please all the people, all the time. On the Internet, you are lucky to get 25% positive comments to anything because everyone, posing as “anonymous”, is willing to spew hate at you. The OB nurses “get” this and that is what is important. My sarcastic sense of humor is attributed mostly to my profession and I am thrilled to take care of a patient who clicks with me. If they don’t, like some of those commenting here, we politely take excellent… Read more »
Anonymous
Guest

As I read this I am thinking “maybe it is time for you to leave nursing”! a disgrace to put this out there! Be ashamed!

terri
Guest
I’ve been an OB nurse for 31+ years. It is a demanding, on-your-toes, hold-your-breath field that also brings gratifying relief of a job well done. I have left my shift with happiness as well as tears of disbelief, heartache, and discouragement. Anyone that has a high stress job has to find a way to vent or we won’t be able to walk away with our mental health intact. Just because I may shake my head or laugh does not mean that I do not care or will not care for you or your family with the greatest compassion I have… Read more »
Anonymous
Guest

4 kids all vaginal, no medication for any of them (blood-clothing issue), The first I was a true first time mom, complaining about the pain, asking the questions, etc. By 3 and 4 I told the nurses what was happening and to NOT let the Dr. leave for lunch. A resident delivered #3 cause the doc could’t climb the stairs fast enough. After a few kids, mom knows the best! :)

Birdie
Guest
Labor Nurse of ten years here. I love so many of your posts, but one thing I’d like to see much much more of is transparency and shared decision making in healthcare. So, no, I don’t lie to patients. I tell them they are nearly ready to push but it’s is safe to let the body continue doing the work for them. I also tell them that most women poop, but that some luck out and that I will be discreet and do my best to keep them comfortable. I tell them that the providers and I work together as… Read more »
mollyaqua
Guest
I’ve got twenty years of labor and delivery experience, and although I do not take offense to this article, I practice differently. I tell the truth. I tell the patient on admission “your cervix is closed and not at all effaced. Your baby is not in the pelvis. Doing an elective induction today increases the likelihood of your needing a Cesarean section to 50%. I I clearly and absolutely feel a closed cervix. Do you still want me to ask the doctor for an elective induction?” If a vaginal delivery is important to you, you should wait for spontaneous labor.”… Read more »
E.
Guest

You are clearly a higher caliber care provider than the author. “Nurses ” like her do such a disservice to the overall perception of the profession. Please continue to be an example for practitioners like the author who seem to have lost their way.

Mrs. Penn
Guest

Some of these “lies” are why I had my last four babies at home unassisted.

Anonymous
Guest

Yes the author certainly is a prime example of the poor quality of care and disrespect a laboring mother receives in a standard hospital setting versus the unparalleled skill of a professional midwife

kristi
Guest

Now I have even more anxiety about giving birth in June. It never once crossed my mind that the nurses might discuss my breath or the smell of my vagina in the break room. I’m seriously freaking out even more than I was before, when all I had to worry about were my two previous devastating deliveries.

Anonymous
Guest

If you’re that worried about it, odds are there won’t be anything to smell or talk about.

juliabbb
Guest

Loved this! My mom is an OB nurse and it’s an incredibly stressful job. Most of my nurses were awesome when I had my three boys, one natural and two with epidurals. Don’t knock epidurals, I barely remember my first boy being born because the pain had been so wearing and intense. With my last two, I could participate and there were absolutely no complications. You need to do what’s best for YOU, not follow someone else’s opinion. My nurses and midwife respected that and we worked as a team. Keep doing what you’re doing!

Anonymous
Guest

I am a teacher and we definitely use humor to deal with a lot of situations/students. I think it is understood and appreciated more by other teachers. I can see why other nurses would love the words you have written but those not in the profession – not so much.

danetaylor
Guest

Wow! I think this nurse (and all of you that agree with her) should find a new profession! You are clearly out of your element and need to place yourself in a situation in which you aren’t so bitter. If you don’t like your job, quit! I’m sure the new mothers would appreciate not having you around.

Melissa
Guest
Wow! A lot of you need to seriously chill out!! It was a funny post and no i am not a nurse, but i have a sense of humor! I have been a relatively frequent visitor of the L & D department since I have had 3 miscarriages, 2 of which required a D & C (16 weeks and 18 weeks) and i have also had 3 live births. I have nothing but great things to say about my nurses…and i’m sure they lied to me at some point or another and honestly, i am ok with that. My first… Read more »
Birdie
Guest
I think where it might hit a nerve with some readers is the feeling that you are minimizing the laboring mom’s autonomy. Not telling them the truth about their body and baby is going to make many women feel less trust, not more. Again, I’ve read many of your posts and you hit the nail so much of the time right on the head. And with your son, I know you’ve also been on the other side of the page—scared, vulnerable, and unsure. I have also had complications and was furious and lost respect for providers that put straightforward and… Read more »
Kathryn
Guest
Am I the only woman who honestly wished they could be an L&D nurse after delivering their child(ren)? No, I’m not because I’ve had two friends change career paths and do it in their mid-late 30s. I had three very different delivery experiences with more than three different nurses at my side and they all had very different styles. And by the time it was over, I loved them all!!! I think your profession is AMAZING and you are lucky to get to be such a very special person in a very special time of a family’s life! I am… Read more »
jonjominns
Guest

Reblogged this on jonjominns's Blog and commented:
I really enjoyed this one. As someone who has worked as part of the anaesthetic team of labour and delivery, I really like your posts – especially as I no longer work again in the area. Look forward to reading again. Thanks for posting.

mel
Guest
I admit some of this is funny… but some of it just seems patronizing. Not that I ever need to deal with L&D nurses lol, I use midwives. BUT 1. I sure hope you don’t say that one to women feeling the urge to push. I always feel the urge early… and trust me while 5 minutes of pushing may feel like an hour…. 5 minutes of fighting the urge feels like 10. 5. As a semi-needlephobe this one makes me shudder. Granted if I’m agreeing to an IV it’s not just a routine one so my stress level is… Read more »
kerricsipkes
Guest

As an L&D nurse, I think these were all spot on…except for the last one and the comments made in the “p.s”. It is NEVER, EVER O.K. or forgivable to hit, kick or bite a nurse (or even attempt to), and labor is not your free pass to do so. It is assault, plain and simple. It is not normal or acceptable or humorous. It is a crime and you can and should be prosecuted for it.

mel
Guest

I’d have to disagree with that. With how common procedures without consent are, a woman should have the right to fight back when her bodily autonomy is being violated. So never, ever, is a little strong.

Jasmine
Guest

LOL yes. Exactly, that comment is so hypocritical. I was held down by a doctor and a nurse in labour so the OB could stretch my cervix while I begged him to stop. ‘It was assault, plain and simple.’ But because they were wearing scrubs it’s okay…

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