Jennifer Lawrence Does Labor and Delivery….

My work-wife, Sonja Otwell  and I love Jennifer Lawrence (who doesn’t?!?), so we wanted her to do labor and delivery too!

 

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This is how I feel when the baby is born and the mother asks how much the baby weighs before the doctor even hands the baby to the nurse.

 

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This is how I feel when I ask a patient if there’s anything else I can get for them, they say no, and then they press their call bell the moment I get back to the nurse’s station.
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This is how I look when a patient tells me she can’t swallow pills.

 

 

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This is how I feel when the patient’s water breaks while I’m performing a vaginal exam (which, by the way, is always an accident) and I feel warm fluid seep into my glove.

 

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This is how I feel when a patient has two contractions in two hours at home and brings eleven family members with her to triage. And it’s her first baby.
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This is how I feel when the doctor is sewing up a laceration and the patient’s husband says “add an extra stitch for me.”

 

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This is how I feel when I pull up a patient’s gown to do a vaginal exam, and she has a really obnoxious tattoo near her nether region (slippery when wet, Tom’s toy-box, lick it before you stick it).

 

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This is how I feel when a mom poops while pushing, asks if she’s pooping, and I lie and say no while I inconspicuously wipe it away (even though every single person in the room can smell).

 

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When a primip comes into triage looking like this, I know she’s really in labor.
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This is how I feel after that same patient gets an epidural.

 

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This is how I feel every time a patient or their family asks me when the baby will come.
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These are all the faces I make while my patient is pushing and delivering her baby (I feel like I want it as bad as she does).

 

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This is how I feel when a 34 weeker tells me she is tired of being pregnant, and 34 weeks is “almost term”.

 

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….and when she sees the face I make she is quick to tell me her first baby was born at 34 weeks and “did just fine” and then this is how I feel.

 p.s. I always want to say “she might be fine now

 

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This is how I feel when the doctor tells me to increase the Pitocin, even though the patient’s contracting every two minutes.

 

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This is how I feel when a resident checks a patient and says she 3 centimeters dilated, and I forget to tell them that she was five centimeters when I checked her two hours ago.

 

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This is how I feel when the patient says they couldn’t have done it without me.

 

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This is how I feel when a patient apologizes to me after they deliver for the way they acted during labor.
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This is how the patient feels every time I have to massage her fundus.

 

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And this is how I feel right before I discharge the patient home and I have to find a way to explain kegal exercises.

 

 

I absolutely love my labor patients….the sweet ones, the normal ones, the young ones and even the crazy ones!   Lots of love and laughter to all of my labor patients 😃

 

 

 

 

Until my next delivery ❤


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34 Comments on "Jennifer Lawrence Does Labor and Delivery…."

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Erin
Guest

Love it! Preterm one could also go with, “I have a high pain tolerance.”

Anonymous
Guest

Wow!! Has she been shadowing us and we just weren’t aware???

Anonymous
Guest

Ugh if she actually does do labor and delivery…………..man I don’t know how she can do it. I would be so grossed out the entire way and I would want to put the mother to sleep while I rip the kid out myself. I am never going to ever fit into that “supporting midwife” that I know I will never be.

Anonymous
Guest

I’m not getting the comment above.

LauraBeth
Guest

I too am a labor and delivery nurse of 10 years. I have been laughing hysterically reading your posts. Thanks for the laughs. You truly “nailed it” this time. One of my favorite questions from family or s/o is “So is there an epidural for me too?” I say with a straight face, “No, but I have an enema for you.” : D

carrie
Guest

Have you ever been assisting with an epidural with crazy – wicked menstrual cramps while thinking how wonderful it would be if anesthesia would hook you up, too!? ?

Laurie
Guest

Always laugh when the expecting father says “oh you can give me some of that too” (any meds, epidural) to which I reply, sure I can… as soon as you show up term pregnant and in labor ;-)

Anonymous
Guest

Love it! 35 years of L&D and I could write a book!

Anonymous
Guest

awesome.

Lisa
Guest

I have been a labor nurse for 8 years and this is so awesome!!!!!

thehomeschoolnurse
Guest

My favorite…..like ever ever!

Anonymous
Guest

Cracking up its sooo true all of it!!! “Im a L&D nurse thanks I need that laugh!!!

DottieO
Guest

The “extra stitch” one used to really get me too, but then I started responding by mentioning that men with very small penises frequently ask for that.

jessica
Guest

that is the best response ever!!

L
Guest

I am also a L&D nurse. The last husband that said “put an extra stitch in, doc”. The doctor looked directly at him and said, “Why? Do you have a small penis?” ROFL

Anonymous
Guest

One of our docs looked at dad and said, “Yeah. How small do you need me to make it?”

Sally
Guest

I would just say, “Awww, I’m sorry you’re so small! That’s heartbreaking!”

Anonymous
Guest

I always said the same, but directed at mom, ” That small, huh? So sad for you, mama….” :( Funny how men who find the “stretched out vagina” reference HILARIOUS, find the tiny pens reference so NOT!

Anonymous
Guest

I always said the same, but directed at mom, ” That small, huh? So sad for you, mama….” :( Funny how men who find the “stretched out vagina” reference HILARIOUS, find the tiny penis reference so NOT!

jessica
Guest
I was in with my second son and having an emergency c-section as the doctor determined he was too big to deliver naturally, my water had broke and I had already labored more than 24 hours. So I got the epidural and went to surgery. First before the dr got my son out he said he had to cut a little bigger than usual. Then when he got him out and handed him to the nurse they were all talking and betting on his weight and length. Dr said 9 pounds 8 ounces. Nurses said no he is at least… Read more »
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Sue
Guest

When the dads would rrquest the extra stitch, onee of the docs I worked with used to respond, “how small should I make it”. Love this blog and this one was one of the best.

eriniscreative
Guest

Reblogged this on CreativlyErin and commented:
I love it

ChristineH
Guest

LOL! With my 2 yr old- my water broke as the nurse was doing a vaginal massage. I felt a POP and she was like ooo! your water just broke! And with my soon to be 11 yr old, I had the funniest nurse. When she went to do the initial exam when I arrived, she saw my pierced clitoral hood- she laughed and said “you’re just full of surprises!” hahaha.

Anonymous
Guest

What is a vaginal massage??

Anonymous
Guest

I was wondering the same thing!

Tabitha
Guest

Oh dang. So people think I’m lying when I say I can’t swallow pills?! I know I sure wish I could!! :/

zabihullah ansari
Guest

very nice show

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