5 Reasons Why You Should NOT Visit a New Mom in the Hospital, According to an OB Nurse

No one knows more than a labor and delivery nurse that everyone loves a baby.  I’m sure your intentions are good, but here are just a few reasons why it’s not a good idea to visit a new mom while she’s still in the hospital. And this is not intended for everyone!  Of course, if you’re part of her immediate family or if you’re her BFF, this doesn’t apply to you.  A good way to think about it—Would she get angry at you for not visiting her in the hospital?  If the answer is no, then save your visit for when she’s at home 😃

She just had a baby! – But that’s why you wanted to go in the first place, right?!? Well, sometimes labors are long and hard, and sometimes they’re short and hard, but either way…they’re hard work. After delivery, it’s almost a guarantee that a new mom will be hungry and tired and worn out. When you’re exhausted, do you feel like talking to people?! And on top of that, imagine your who-ha hurting and bleeding and hemorrhoids and…you get the picture. And the baby is brand new. If you’re any kind of sick, you should stay away!

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She’s exhausted – Unless you fall into the immediate family/BFF category, no woman wants to entertain you while she’s tired and sore and needing to sleep any minute she can. And that’s the truth…any spare minute she has, she should be resting or bonding with her new baby, without interruptions or distractions.

She’s probably trying to breastfeed – A lot of women don’t feel comfortable breastfeeding in public. I’m not one of those women, but I see this all the time.  Many women don’t want to whip out a boob while they have guests in their room. I frequently have moms tell me “I’ll nurse after they leave.”  And then I make them leave 😃 Because the baby needs to eat on their schedule, not ours…especially at the beginning.

She’s bonding with her baby – This is a special time for her whole family. This is an especially important time for the mother and her partner to bond with their new baby. Le them have their time at the hospital, they’ll never get that time back.

She needs visitors once she gets home – Frequently, all the visitors come while the mom is in the hospital, and then no one comes to see them once they’re home! That’s when she needs the most help and that’s when it’s important for her to socialize. Postpartum depression and baby blues do not usually show up while the mom is in the hospital. Make sure she’s okay once she goes home.

Things You SHOULD Do While Mom is Still in the Hospital:

How to REALLY Help Someone After They’ve Had a Baby, According to an OB Nurse

  1. Have someone clean her house so she comes home to a clean one.
  2. Send flowers, or anything edible to her hospital room.
  3. Watch her other kids while she’s still stuck in the hospital, so her support person can stay with her.
  4. Buy her other kids crafts or coloring books so they’ll stay busy when she returns.
  5. Stock her fridge with food and lots and lots of bottled water for her when she gets home.

Best advice? Ask the family what they’d prefer, and tell them to give you an honest answer.

Until my next delivery ❤


128 thoughts on “5 Reasons Why You Should NOT Visit a New Mom in the Hospital, According to an OB Nurse

    • March 1, 2015 at 4:15 pm
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      As a Mother-Baby nurse, I would also add number 6: Visit her at home a week after delivery and bring her a fully cooked dinner that has excellent substantial leftover potential, like a vat of thick chunky stew or a tray of her favorite style of lasagna. Serve the hot food, listen to her birth story and be as sympathetic as possible, ask if she (or the also exhausted and overlooked Dad/partner) needs anything, anything at all, then politely make an excuse to leave if they look in any way frazzled. Or stay and be a helpful companion, not a guest. Two folded loads of laundry later you’ll earn the Badge of Courage and their eternal gratitude. Yes, everyone wants to see the brand new baby. They are still pretty brand new at a week old, and you will have given them time to recuperate AND a gift of help that they sorely NEED. Postpartum depression hits about 25% of all pregnancies (and it hits Dads/partners, too), and it is no joke. It manifests as sadness, mood swings, or even more often, an irrational irritability, and the true village of support that new parents need is often too far away to help (even in this age of internet connectivity).

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      • March 29, 2017 at 1:25 pm
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        See, your comment was going along fine until you twice, tried to make women’s childbirth and healing, all about the baby’s daddy. They do not go through this. Stop making false notions about pregnancy in a woman!! This is not about the dad. It isn’t not! Yeah he is the dad, but he does not experience any of this . He does not have the hormonal feelings, pain, stitches, hands and eyes touching and looking at every inch of his genital areas. He does not have violating naked body exposure with male relatives trying to violate her space!! He does not have the responsibilities of motherhood, and he did not, I repeat, he did not just have his body give birth to something the size if a watermelon through the hole in his genitals. He does not walk around in pain and drippings, or have to be careful how he sits.

        Can you imagine what laws and love there would be for men if men went through half of what women go through. The hospital stay and genital torture and violation the way women do and then some unfeeling person wrote a disrespectful comment here, saying that the wife was overlooked and left out and needed support while her husband was having genital surgery in the hospital and recuperation at home?? Think before you write such ugliness to diminish women’s experience with childbirth and postpartum healing.

        Don’t you do this to women and write such an insensitive comment that dimishes what a woman goes though and then try to make it all about her husband or boyfriend!

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    • April 26, 2015 at 1:14 pm
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      I agree that less visitors is a great idea to promote rest,recovery and bonding between mom and baby. Less visitors also allow us to have easier, more frequent access to the mom and baby to give care.

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  • January 30, 2015 at 3:40 am
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    Let’s not use the term who-ha. It’s a perineum, bottom, or vagina. Also, moms don’t boobfeed, they breastfeed. By using correct terminology we honor nurses as professionals. We don’t give in to society by using street slang or sexualizing Mother Nature.

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    • January 30, 2015 at 6:44 am
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      Oh lighten up… Sheesh, you stick in the mud types really chap my hoo ha.

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    • January 30, 2015 at 8:08 pm
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      She said breastfeeding… I don’t see “boobfeed” anywhere

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    • January 30, 2015 at 8:52 pm
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      a lot of your average people do not know the words, like urinate, you HAVE to say pee, which I hate. I was taught 30 years ago to use terms your patients will get or you alienate them. So yes, I say vajay jay. or poo poo if I have too

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      • February 2, 2015 at 9:55 pm
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        Right!! Can you imagine the looks you would get when asking the average patient if they need to defecate? Lol!!

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    • January 30, 2015 at 11:27 pm
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      When I’m talking to a patient or their family, I use lamens terms. The audience for this article is not make for other nurses. It’s for the average person. So I think this terminology is appropriate.

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      • January 31, 2015 at 11:02 pm
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        I most definately agree! You have to use Lamens terms when talking with the general public. Not everyone has a degree in nursing or a medical background.

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      • February 1, 2015 at 3:45 pm
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        I think you mean “layman’s terms”?

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      • February 2, 2015 at 8:24 pm
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        Well don’t get your panties in a twist, I don’t think that was the intended crux of the article.Layman’s terms is the proper spelling not lame with an ( n) . It refers to terminology used for those unfamiliar with specific fields excetera . Nobody asked about how to properly describe body parts.
        Otherwise the article was informative and I liked it. I like the use of fun words myself… We don’t always need to be so rigid.

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    • January 31, 2015 at 2:04 am
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      I like hoo ha…much better than bottom. Vagina is too clinical sounding…perenium sounds a lot like pudendum, which translates to ….shame. Pussy, cooch, hoo ha…I’ll take it. Muffin even.

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      • February 2, 2015 at 8:38 pm
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        Haha love it! Take that nurse/ teacher! Blah blah blah go toot your own horn elsewhere. We got it.

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    • January 31, 2015 at 2:32 am
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      She said breastfeed. She said the new mom wouldn’t want to whip out a boob. And they are trying to get through to everyone. Not just people like you. Normal people that use the word boob. It’s not offensive. Ask any mom or woman for that matter. I bet she calls hers boobs too. ;-)

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      • February 2, 2015 at 8:40 pm
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        I personally like titties , teet, juga, knockers, fun-bags!

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    • January 31, 2015 at 3:01 am
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      Grab that stick, and pull it out really quickly….you will feel so much better

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    • January 31, 2015 at 3:39 am
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      Hey everyone, listen to meeeee…I’m gonna drop my snooty opinion, sit back and see if anyone argues with me because I LOOOOOVE to start drama, especially with strangers on random articles on the internet. Wooohoooo gimme some attention and entertain me!!!!

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    • January 31, 2015 at 6:09 am
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      Oh dear lord, everyone is always so sensitive and always have something to say! You can be professional and ALSO call it a JayJay, Cookie, WhoHa…whatever you want! This is 2015!

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    • January 31, 2015 at 11:40 am
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      I thought this article was about new mothers, not to “honor nurses as professionals”.
      You are the type of nurse I pray doesn’t care for me I’m a patient. How condescending and arrogant you must be to your patients.

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      • February 4, 2015 at 7:43 pm
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        Exactly. I would feel SO much more comfortable with the nurse taking care of me if she said something like “time to whip out your fun bags!”…

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      • May 14, 2015 at 5:49 pm
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        I am a nurse, and I have to say that after breastfeeding my son for the last two months they are no longer breasts or boobs- I refer to them simply as feed bags:)

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    • January 31, 2015 at 2:15 pm
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      OMG, stop it already! Is “bottom” proper medical terminology? Not so much. Lol

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    • February 1, 2015 at 1:19 am
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      Stop being technical and take your negativity elsewhere. This post was made to inform not to impress.

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    • February 1, 2015 at 2:39 am
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      So “bottom” is correct terminology?

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      • February 10, 2015 at 2:55 pm
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        I’ve had obgyn doctors on many occasions say bottom…slide all the way down to where your bottom is on the edge.

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    • February 1, 2015 at 7:52 am
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      She never once said boobfeed.

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    • February 1, 2015 at 3:27 pm
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      Let’s not take life too seriously ok?! Calm down!

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    • February 1, 2015 at 3:27 pm
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      I have a who-ha and boob. You must have a vagina and breasts. Lighten up, she wrote a good article.

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    • February 1, 2015 at 4:16 pm
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      Well… since we’re getting technical…

      “Bottom” is not a hoo-ha (or who-ha)–nor is it correct medical terminology. Hoo-ha refers to the vagina, or more commonly the vulva. The vagina is the interior tube, ONLY, and hoo-ha usually refers to the external genitalia.

      The more you know.

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      • February 2, 2015 at 8:43 pm
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        What about the labia and clitoris? Nurse professional forgot to address those. Might they be sore after giving birth as well?

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    • February 1, 2015 at 10:59 pm
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      Someone’s got sand in their who-ha!

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    • February 2, 2015 at 1:27 pm
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      What?! Woo-ha is the best name. Lol.

      No need to be so serious about it. Lol. Most women don’t even know what perineum is.

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    • February 3, 2015 at 7:28 am
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      She was only trying to make it funny, people need to lighting up….great story, thanks for the laughs along with something serious

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    • February 3, 2015 at 7:39 am
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      Calm your tits!!!!!

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    • February 4, 2015 at 10:43 am
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      It says breastfeed!

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    • February 6, 2015 at 4:55 am
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      Don’t forget c-section Mom’s !

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    • February 11, 2015 at 7:23 pm
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      My Dear anonymous, I lovingly agree with you.Your reply is timely and with much tact and wisdom.I’M SURE THAT YOU ARE NOT ANY OF THESE COMMENTS THAT HAVE BEEN THROWN AT YOU.Just remember what the Holy scriptures say about being honorable and that the Heathen rage.My goodness we sure see a a lot of this in society today……do we not? OB NURSE OF 35 YEARS AND COUNTING.

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    • February 27, 2015 at 1:00 am
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      Using terms like who-ha and boobfeed in articles like this make it feel more lighthearted. No Biggy.. I actually quite like it! I don’t see anything wrong with it.

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    • November 11, 2016 at 4:33 am
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      Using a little humor or not always using medical terminology in no way demeans nurses or their profession. I have been a nurse for a long time and frequently use terms I think people will understand better or will make an uncomfortable situation less tense. I hardly see who-ha or boob as over-sexualized. A boob is a breast is a mammary gland. Relax. Very good article BTW, spot on.

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  • January 30, 2015 at 4:49 am
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    Amen to this! So true. Stay home people and leave the new family alone, As for your terminology – I think it’s fine (I am also long time OB nurse) because it fit with the tone of this post.

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  • January 30, 2015 at 6:03 am
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    Perhaps for you but I loved the few visitors I did get. No worries about a clean house.

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  • January 30, 2015 at 12:49 pm
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    Couldn’t agree with you more, although I would say that every woman and every birth is different. For my oldest, I didn’t nurse and wasn’t all that exhausted. If anything, I was totally bored in the hospital and welcomed visitors. Flash forward to the 2nd birth, and that was WAY different. I was up for over 24 hrs straight, I was exhausted, sore and attempting to nurse. My MIL popped up in my room NON STOP (her and I both worked in the hospital, so it was covenient for her). Literally everytime I had boobs out, in would come my MIL. I finally stopped attempting to be discreet.My husband was also exhausted, since he was up with me for those 24 hrs. Our baby didn’t sleep bc well, she was starving (we would later discover that I am unable to nurse due to tubular hyperplasia(sp?) )Everytime we found a moment to try to drift off- in would come someone. It was so frustrating.

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  • January 30, 2015 at 1:55 pm
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    I agree with the article. I would just add that if you are a close relative or friend and you visit, bring food. I so craved soup, good soup, and all the hospital was giving me was horrible pasta with sweet sauce and meat.
    I would have also loved for one of my visitors to watch my baby while I took a shower. The nurses yelled at me because I had not showered yet, then when I went to take a shower, yelled at me because I left the baby alone and she woke up and was crying.
    Now, with my second and third, it was a different hospital, wonderful staff, whole other world!

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  • January 30, 2015 at 2:41 pm
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    What I hear mostly is “ask first”. No wrong actions, only at the wrong time. So ask.

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  • January 30, 2015 at 2:50 pm
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    I would have rather no one send flowers. It’s just more crap to have to carry out of the hospital to the car and trying to keep the vase from spilling water at the same time you’re bracing yourself for every speed bump, pot hole and bumps in the road because it is excruciating on the hoo-ha. I also was so irritated with my sister. She said she (just her) was going to stop by but then dragged her boyfriend along because he got out of work early. I don’t like him. Fortunately my mom was there and when they were in their way up I begged her to get them to leave shortly after they arrived.

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    • January 31, 2015 at 10:54 pm
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      Leave the flowers for the nurses station (is that still allowed??). But I can’t help you with the sis and boyfriend ;)

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  • January 30, 2015 at 3:03 pm
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    Amen! I wish we could post this on the floor, so some would get the hint!

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    • February 1, 2015 at 3:47 pm
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      Hmm. It’s sounding to me like NURSES don’t want all the visitors, rather than MOMS not wanting all the visitors.

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      • March 4, 2015 at 11:47 pm
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        ^give me a break with that! This is good advice from a professional, don’t twist everything around. BUT yeah maybe the nurses DONT want 15 people standing in the way when they are trying to work and get this new mom/baby sorted out! There is plenty of time to visit when they get home!

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      • August 3, 2015 at 8:35 pm
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        I’m a L&D nurse. I DON’T want my patients to have non-stop visitors. I want her to rest, bond with her baby, learn to breastfeed, get some SLEEP, let me provide her with some education, etc. Exhaustion after having a baby doesn’t help with breastfeeding! So many moms WON’T BF when they have visitors. Why should a baby wait to eat?

        Moms don’t want to offend their visitors. It’s up to the nurses to be a patient advocate. Mom and baby are our patients. Breastfed babies must eat every 1.5-3 hours.

        Bye bye visitors if mom isn’t comfortable feeding in front of you.

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  • January 30, 2015 at 5:45 pm
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    I’m a retired registered nurse L+D. Used to teach child birth classes. Your advice is excellent . I also gave the same advice as you. One you could add would be a food shower. It’s not uncommon now days to have more than one baby shower.I’d suggest one could be casseroles with card of contents and cooking time and name of dish provider. If not enough freezer space could store at friends or moms for weekly renewal.Not having to cook is a big deal those first couple weeks.
    Love your blogs,
    Sincerely,
    Linda Colburn

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  • January 30, 2015 at 5:56 pm
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    I agree with this. However, I would not like someone cleaning my house as a surprise, that’s a little invasive for a private person. My hospital has a nap hour that guests are discouraged from coming during. I was so excited to have rest and made sure to tell anyone who contacted us to not come then- still never got to nap due to unannounced guests and needing to breastfeed between. I work at the hospital I delivered at and fortunately had baby on a weekend so I had NO coworker visits due to this. Otherwise it would have driven me to tears. I would have loved a food shower!

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  • January 30, 2015 at 7:13 pm
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    I actually really wanted visitors. I hate the hospital and was bored while the baby slept. If you can’t ask someone to step out while trying to breastfeed or while trying to get up and take care of personal hygiene or bathroom needs then I can see this…but I am not one of those people.

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    • March 3, 2015 at 8:28 am
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      I hated the some of my guest coming! I only liked my bf, mom, sister, and grandparents! I had way too many people! I had a hard time getting things done! The part I hated the most, was people coming so early in the morning, I thought that was rude, and coming without calling first!

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  • January 30, 2015 at 10:42 pm
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    I’m a mother of three and with my first two, I was in Texas at a military hospital with no family around so I was all alone. I am a little antisocial or introverted or however you want to say it so it suited me just fine. Fast forward to baby number 3 and I was back in Alabama with all my friends and family. It was a complete circus. I had best friends bringing their boyfriends and their cousins who I was acquainted with but not really bffs, grandparents, aunts uncles, neice nephews, friends kids, dad and step mom, my real mom…and that was just my side of the family. That didn’t count brother in laws, their girl friends or wives, and their children, and mother in law. I had no privacy. I was trying to breast feed and even when I flat out told them I was about to, they would say, no problem,go ahead. We had no sleep, no privacy…it was a nightmare. Then we got home and I had people showing up uninvited allover again. You don’t know how many times I wished I was back in Texas all alone…

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    • January 30, 2015 at 11:29 pm
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      lol that is funny, but not funny. Everyone came to see me in the hospital, but no one came to see me at home. My housekeeper is the one that told my mom I had postpartum depression!! lol

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    • January 31, 2015 at 12:12 pm
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      I totally get it! I had two completely different scenarios as well. And yes, people inviting themselves to my home after both births.

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  • January 31, 2015 at 2:49 am
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    It is so rude to correct someone for the content of their message. I have found that people who do that are trying to appear more intelligent than they actually are. If you were truly, so very intelligent, wouldn’t you realize that it is very rude to try to correct someone else for their writing style? Seriously, you just come off as a pompous ass, and no one is buying it, so just stop it…..

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  • January 31, 2015 at 12:09 pm
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    Not everyone wants company at their house, either LOL. Being caught in your pjs, trying to breastfeed or take a nap… house probably a mess… not ideal time for company.

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  • January 31, 2015 at 12:09 pm
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    My ONLY problem with this article is that there is no mention of c section moms. My hoo-ha might not of hurt but I was still in pain, still bleeding (which apparently a lot of people don’t realize you bleed regardless how you deliver apparently?) But anyways, that should have definitely been mentioned.

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    • January 31, 2015 at 12:14 pm
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      Good point! And a long time ago I didn’t know about the bleeding after c-sections.

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    • February 1, 2015 at 3:37 am
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      I know.. :( very disappointed to not see any mention of a c section birth, or moms who just had a preemie baby! After my emergency c section and my son being in the NICU my mil, fil, sil and her boyfriend (did not like him at all!!) Came in. While they were there, the lactation consultant came in to get me to start pumping for my tiny guy and the nurses came in to tell me I was FINALLY able to try to get up and go see my baby, naturally none of them wanted to step out so the nurse could take out my cathader and get me into the wheelchair.. It took me asking twice and the nurse telling them they had to step out to get the point across! Then they all thought I should be able to walk into the NICU! My spinal wasn’t even completely wore off (I faked it quite well to go see my baby) then they all wanted to see him so back and fourth I went because only 2 people at a time were aloud to be in baby area and one had to be a parent. And the noise, ugh even tho there is signs everywhere in NICU and regular rooms to be quiet some people are sooo loud! My son was born at 26 weeks, the lightest sounds would cause him to freak out and drop his heart rate..what’s my fil do? Go in touches his hand and yells ‘hey wake up you sleepy head pappy is here to see you!’ The nurse had to come in and remind him constantly that sleeping helps him grow and get stronger he needs the sleep!

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      • February 8, 2015 at 7:33 am
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        When I had my second child my husband was on deployment with the Navy. In those days even a vaginal birth was a four day hospital stay. Once I had so many people in my room at one time that I wanted to pull My hair out! Out of desperation I asked my doctor to order a “No Visitors” sign for my door. I called my mother and told her to ignore the sign, so she could be with me most of the time. When I felt like having visitors I would take the sign down. I was able to get the rest I needed and have privacy for breastfeeding. It worked great, and because nobody knew I had requested the sign, no one was offended. It’s been my little secret all these years!

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  • January 31, 2015 at 1:14 pm
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    Bravo!! This fellow OB thinks you NAILED IT!! I’ll be sharing this one generously. You’ve gained a new reader.

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  • January 31, 2015 at 3:24 pm
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    I NEVER use slang terms for body parts nor does anyone in my large extended family, so they always make me cringe. If you are used to them they don’t jar you. They are out of my comfort zone.
    Having ten children, I didn’t appreciate company (except immediate family) either in the hospital, or into my messy home for several weeks afterwards. It takes awhile to be back in shape, establish nursing and be freshly showered each morning.
    Lastly, I think many well intentioned visitors are just trying to be polite and not ignore mother and baby. Maybe they need to be relieved of this idea and know that it’s OK to wait until baby and mom are out in public.

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  • January 31, 2015 at 7:28 pm
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    About visitation, I agree on the last part about asking the family what they prefer. But in my case, I had a C-section. I was in pain, heavily medicated, exhausted, and felt alone too. I really could have used someone for support and to help with the baby while I rested. No one came to visit but my husband who was awkward with babies, and my mother and father-in-law who came a couple of times but were quick to leave. I honestly didn’t care about how I looked, I would have loved it if anyone cared to come visit and offer any support and a few words of encouragement.

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  • February 1, 2015 at 5:18 am
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    Great info. Here is one more to add. When my grandbabies were on their way, I reminded my daughters to set a code word with their nurses so that if they needed the room cleared for any reason and couldn’t handle it themselves the nurse would understand and clear the room for them. It has worked beautifully for all of us!

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    • February 3, 2015 at 5:15 pm
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      Becky yes i so agree with a code word !!!!!

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  • February 1, 2015 at 5:44 am
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    Love this! Pretty much the only people who came to visit me in the hospital (other than my dad and sister who were always welcome) were my in-laws. They were SO LOUD and always wanting to pass my daughter around. I was feeling VERY sick and emotional when I came home from the hospital and they were all there in my house (my mil had invited them all over without asking) and were being loud and arguing and had the heat cranked up to an ungodly temperature. I just hobbled into my house, burst into tears, threw up, and went to bed. Luckily my hubby was around to kind of reign them in a TEENY bit, but then he came to bed and apparently MORE uninvited family came to our house and handled our daughter WHILE WE WERE SLEEPING. It was appreciated that someone was there to keep an eye on her while we were resting, but it was extremely overwhelming for me. I was so sick and constantly angry, that I was so glad when the in laws were all gone. But then my husband went back to work and I ended up with HORRIBLE postpartum depression. I kind of wish I had not been so self-conscious about my body and messy house and let friends come over to keep my mind off of things and cook/bring food. I lived on mainly crackers, cereal, Gatorade, and instant oatmeal for almost a whole month because I didn’t want to bother anyone by having them bring me food and (in my depressed hole) I felt like a horrible mother when I asked anyone to watch my daughter while I took a quick nap, and anytime I did take a nap (whether someone was watching my daughter or if she was asleep right next to me), I woke up having panic attacks, thinking I did something wrong.

    (Sorry for the long post…lol)

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  • February 1, 2015 at 6:52 am
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    I had a csection with my son so I didnt really mind the visitors because I was still coming down off the drugs so i was tuning most of them out. The only person I wanted to leave was my mother in law she came in being so loud and she went out to the hallway and was being rude to the nurses and she would come in back in my room and she would be loud again and every time she came in I’d ask her to be quiet, and to not be rude to the nurses because they are taking care of us. My sister in law kept asking me if I wanted her to leave and I kept saying no when I should’ve said yes. My sister in law and my husband were right there for the entire thing. My dad even came a little bit before I was taken to the OR for my csection. And I have to say them being there helped me alot because I was freaking out.
    Next time I will say that only certain people will be allowed in.

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  • February 1, 2015 at 9:39 am
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    People are so damn wimpy, or maybe I’m just a b!tch… ;) I would have no problem telling people (politely) to please give me a few minutes alone or that right now is not a good time for a visit if I’m trying to nurse or get some sleep. My baby’s well-being and my own were my only concern after giving birth. Who is going to stand up for your baby if not you? That’s YOUR job.

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    • March 12, 2015 at 11:12 pm
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      That doesn’t always work. I have no problems telling a person something, some people just don’t get it no matter how many times you say it.

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  • February 2, 2015 at 2:36 am
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    Love this post.
    I had my second child 2 months ago, and made a point of saying to everyone that I won’t be having any visitors in hospital. I am so glad I did. I was able to relax, and take time out, and enjoy the first few days with my baby, instead of always having to look at the clock and work around visitors.

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  • February 2, 2015 at 12:21 pm
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    I loved, loved, loved having visitors at the hospital. Part of it (for me) is that the visits were always short and sweet, I could concentrate completely on my visitors (not making sure the living room was picked up or my toddler was behaving), and my nurses were just fantastic about making sure that I had everything I needed. Visitors at home were much more stressful to me. In fact, when I take meals to new moms (as I do often in this stage of life), I often just drop them on the porch to save people the stress of a visit at home. Visiting in the hospital is definitely under-rated.

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  • February 2, 2015 at 12:24 pm
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    I also forgot to say that I am a fellow L&D nurse, and I know that this is standard advice. I in fact followed it with #1, asked people to stay away, then cried in my postpartum room because of no visitors. I changed my tune with babies 2-4, and I had much, MUCH better experiences.

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  • February 2, 2015 at 2:05 pm
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    I loved having visitors at the hospital when my kids were born. It broke up the boredom. People need to lighten up and be grateful!

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  • February 2, 2015 at 3:54 pm
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    Along with visitors comes perfumes and cigarette(both full of chemicals and poisons) on the clothing they wear–god forbid they come sick–all this with a new little virgin system in the room. I have seen as many as 10 to 12 people in a new moms room–it was a circus! My daughter didn’t want anyone and I respected that–it is the new moms call and everyone should respect that.

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  • February 2, 2015 at 11:53 pm
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    Do you have any advice as to how to tell

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  • February 3, 2015 at 12:21 pm
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    Love this post! My in laws are BIG must come to the hospital people, and I had visitors waiting for me in my room while I was hemorrhaging in post partum after a section still. I came in to another family member holding my baby because my husband didn’t know how to say no! Not exactly a normal case scenario, but talk about hideous first memories!

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  • February 3, 2015 at 4:29 pm
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    A really useful article and definitely a very welcomed to fill the fridge with food. Is there a particular reason you suggested stocking the fridge with lots and lots of bottled water? Tap water in the US is perfectly safe. Is there another reason why you’ve suggested bottled water?

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    • February 6, 2015 at 7:26 pm
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      Because tap water in some places tastes disgusting. If you’re raised on it, you might not notice but if you ever get used to decent well water (they bottle Ice Mountain locally) you can never go back.

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      • February 6, 2015 at 7:32 pm
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        …and drinking enough water in order to have enough milk, particularly for women breastfeeding, means having water they want to drink on hand.

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  • February 4, 2015 at 4:10 pm
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    Great advice; I would like to add that putting out a please “do not disturb” sign might be an option.
    Bottom line. visitors need to be considerate and mom’s need to set boundaries :)

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    • March 12, 2015 at 11:18 pm
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      But there are always those people who think they are the exception to the rule. I have no problems setting boundaries. The problems are with the people who think they can do what the please when they please because the rules just don’t seem to apply to them.

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  • February 11, 2015 at 1:08 pm
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    As an RN and mom of 4, I find this so tragic. I would have been DEVASTATED if no one had visited me at the hospital. I even let a friend who had never seen a live birth come in the delivery room to watch. I always figured it wasn’t all about me…let others in on the joy! Bottom line, not all of us are exhausted and overwhelmed. How about you ask the mom before deciding not to go?

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  • February 18, 2015 at 9:25 pm
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    This is so true! I had a ton of visitors at the hospital and the visitors when I got home were practically no where – I felt so alone and overwhelmed most of the time. All I wanted was someone to make me food and do laundry! :)

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  • February 27, 2015 at 7:51 pm
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    ????? YES!!! Thank you for posting this!! Well said!

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  • February 28, 2015 at 1:50 am
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    Also when you llearning how to breastfeed you have to expose yourself more than you will later to get the best latch and position for both of you. And those poor csections cant go home till they are passing gas they dont need to be holding it in because she has guest

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  • March 3, 2015 at 8:37 am
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    This article was very well said! I had a lot of guest and it was very overwhelming! All I wanted was immediate family! I hated when people would come in the morning, because I was sleeping/showering and I really did not want to talk! I had family members that were asking the nurses to get them drinks, it was very embarrassing! Next time will defintely be different!

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  • March 25, 2015 at 3:05 am
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    This. This exact thing. Thank you, so, so much, for writing and sharing this.

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  • April 3, 2015 at 9:56 pm
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    I am a retired nurse who spent 39 yrs. as an OB nurse. I’ve seen it all………vag. deliveries staying anywhere from 3-4 days to a time where it was only 24 hrs. and c/s staying 4-5 days to 2 days. Everyone’s experience is unique…..in b/w all the visitors, phone calls, mom napping, showering; if needed, trying to get pt’s pain under control, we as nurses are required to do teaching & assisting w/ breastfeeding issues & meeting a LOT of other requirements designated by someone who never worked as a nurse a day in their life! Pts. have no idea what the “behind the scenes” life for a nurse is. Pt’s will c/o about lack of teaching by nurses on post d/c questionannaires…..REally???? And now………..so many non-English speaking pts. That requires translators for admitting & discharge instructions……I loved working w/ new families but the last few yrs. became so stressful that I knew it was time for me to leave.

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  • August 12, 2015 at 5:07 pm
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    When my son was born, my husband and I lived in a tiny apartment above my uncle’s garage. There was barely enough room for the two of us, let alone the baby and all of his stuff. I would not have wanted visitors at home. I totally understand that some people would though. I definitely started to feel really lonely after my husband went back to work. My suggestion would be to ask. Everyone who visited me in the hospital texted or called me to ask if they could visit, and I was okay with that. It gave me the ability to loosely schedule my day. I nursed with people in the room if my son was hungry. I just had my husband hold a sheet up. I 1000% agree with bringing the new mom food! I was so hungry after they got me settled into my recovery room and I had to wait for my parents to finish their dinner before they brought me something back. Snacks are a new mom’s best friend! But seriously, just ask the mother if she’s okay with you visiting her in the hospital. But visiting her at home definitely wouldn’t hurt either.

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    • August 19, 2015 at 4:01 am
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      I went to visit a friend at the hospital but only because her hubby texted the address and room number so I figured that was a an okay to come to the hospital. I did not ask for that information. I had previously texted her and told her whatever she needed to let me know

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      • August 19, 2015 at 7:07 am
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        they obviously wanted you there :) I’m the same way, I wanted people there…but I had a NICU baby and couldn’t leave my room, so it sucked. xx

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  • February 7, 2016 at 5:44 am
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    Mother in laws should read this because they are notorious for being intrusive when it comes to their new grand kid!

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  • February 9, 2016 at 4:26 pm
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    I didn’t have many visitors when I was in the hospital. When I was in labor my mother and boyfriend were there which was very helpful because she fed me ice chips because I was hot and my boyfriend held my hand. My best friend who was also her god mother came in before the pushing began to give me encouraging words and couldn’t wait to see baby, she stayed up with my father in the waiting room. I had a few visitors that came in like his mother, my aunt (that same morning after I had her because she was in town [it was nice to see her]) and then a friend of my family. When they came in, which was 1 each day, I’d go and sit in the bath tub while they helped with the baby along with letting me get some sleep and they talked quietly, and the nurses would come in and check on me and my baby. On my last night in the hospital I felt really lonely because my boyfriend had to go back to work so he wasn’t able to help me calm her down because she had tummy aches from wrong formula (I couldn’t breastfeed due to the medication I am on). When we got home to my parents, we had family come in slowly because we had family visiting from out of state and they asked in advance if they would be able to come see her. It helped me a lot so I didn’t go into postpartum depression because I had help from family that would keep my mind off of being really sore. My daughter slept through it all :)

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  • December 17, 2016 at 5:58 pm
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    I have a co-worker who runs to the hospital to see newborns and their moms, although she’s not even a relative. She just doesn’t get it and actually scolds those of us who politely wait and let the new family bond and recover. I sent her a link to this article. I think it’s totally selfish to insert yourself into a family situation because you just can’t wait to be part of it.

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      • February 9, 2017 at 12:10 am
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        I didn’t have to worry about any of it. The only person that came was my husband. I had 4 boys. They didn’t even come to my home. They seen my boys when we were able to get out. My MIL stayed with my children when I had the last 3 boys. My mom lived 1600 miles away.

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  • March 29, 2017 at 3:43 pm
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    Let’s make the childbirth and breastfeeding issue clear.

    First of all
    1) We don’t allow people to bombard a man’s patient room, so why in the heck, do you all think it’s okay to invade a woman’s naked patient room? It’s not.
    2) We need to stop worrying about the husband’s feeling and other issues, during his wife’s pregnancy and childbirth. It’s not about him. Stop putting his needs that high. I find him at fault for allowing people to visit without him asking his pregnant or birthing or breastfeeding wife if SHE wants visitors. It is not his decision who comes in while she is exposed and getting exes,ones and breastfeeding. It’s not. She decides on who visits her.
    3) Those of you who want visitors while you are getting
    stitches, bleeding, sore, breastfeeding and uncomfortable, then you go right ahead and you be naked and allow the public to come in, but, don’t you dare try to tell others that they shouldn’t want or need privacy, peace and quiet. It’s not your decision to say what’s right or wrong for other women.
    4) Women need nurses, mothers, sisters, who know what it feels like to give birth and understand that visitors need to get permission from the pregnant or breastfeeding woman . It is not the decision of her husband, who visits his wife’s room, at any time. Let men get genital surgery and see if they want their wives to have say or control over who comes to visit him and observe while he is naked, uncomfortable, getting stitches, and being examined,

    I think it takes a mighty insensitive person, to not be able to sympathize with what women go through woman especially during a private, sensitive private time. And yes this is private.

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  • June 21, 2017 at 4:04 am
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    I agree that the best thing to do is ask. I loved having visitors in the hospital and getting to show off my baby, but part of that was that I had an easy recovery, all of my visitors called and asked if it was a good time right before they came (and actually listened if I told them I was taking a nap and it would be better if they waited an hour), none of my visitors stayed long, and they were all super respectful about leaving if I needed to breastfeed or anything. This time, though, I don’t want any visitors in the hospital except my son because we are living with my parents, so I want the hospital stay to be just for us as a family.

    Reply

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