10 Signs You’re the Parent of a Newborn

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It doesn’t matter what time of the day it is, you’re just tired. And it’s not anything close to a normal kind of tired. You are somewhere between exhausted and auto-pilot. Before you had a baby, you could never manage to take a nap during the day.  Now, you get 5 minutes of quiet time and you’re nodding off when you’re getting your eyebrows waxed. That’s right, that’s happened to me :/ If you’re waking up every 2-3 hours at night with a newborn, you know what I’m talking about.

It takes you 45 minutes just to get the kids in the car ready to leave.  Diapers? Check. Wipes? Check. Extra clothes? Check. The list is endless.  There’s this healthy fear that whatever it is you forget at home, you will instantly need at the absolute worst time. Think…in a public restroom with no baby changer, up to your elbows in baby-poo, when you realize you don’t have another diaper. Or worse, wipes 😞 Some women never have a hair misplaced on their head and their baby sleeps when they’re supposed to and doesn’t cry in public and barely moves when you’re all at the dinner table. Some women never leave the house unprepared or without absolutely anything and everything they’d ever even think of needing.  This.is.not.me. But maybe you’re that mom, pulling off the illusion that you are all organized and together.  And maybe you are, but I have thanked God more than once for a barely-wet diaper or for extra wipes found in the trunk of my car 😃

You plan any and every outside-the-house-event around your child’s sleep schedule.  And this is if you’re lucky and have a baby that actually likes being in their car seat. And by “likes” I mean they fall asleep as soon as the car starts moving. My son would scream nonstop the moment we put him in his car seat, so I had to plan on leaving 2 hours before I was actually supposed to be anywhere, because after an hour of crying he’d finally wear himself out and fall asleep for his hour-long nap (score!). And then I’d have to play how-slow-can-you-go-without-stopping-the-car, or else he’d wake up and ruin the rest of my day.  Once I got good at this though, success! He was easier to manage when he was well-rested, and so was I!

You have mastered the art of backing away from your child’s crib.  And you back away in the dark, barely breathing, in a room where toys and books are the booby traps, with an ability to open and shut their bedroom door in complete and utter silence.  Unfortunately, any other kids in the house do not have your level of skills. So you go around shhh-ing everyone, begging them not to wake the baby.

You refrain from anything that makes noise at night. You stop showering at night, after the baby is in bed. You stop loading the dishwasher or the washing machine after dark, for fear of waking up the baby.  You stop watching Game of Thrones once the clock strikes seven, because it’s too loud and you can’t understand anything anyone is saying if the volume is barely on. You’ve also managed to master the art of that as silently as possibly.  You know what I’m talking about if your partner puts a pillow over your face and it has nothing to do with 50 Shades of Grey and everything to do with a tiny human being in the next room with sonar hearing like a dolphin :/

Your nipples leak.  They start to leak when your baby cries.  Or when any baby cries. Or when you just see a cute baby. Or when any baby gets kind of close to you. Or when you think about wanting another baby. Breast pads become the best invention ever made, but it never fails…you will feel the sweet relief of let-down the moment you’re in public, wearing a white shirt.

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Your hair that you use to blow dry is now in a pony-tail or bun. Messy buns are in, right? (Not my kind of messy). I’m one step away from getting the mom-cut.  Until then…man, where’s a hair band when I need one!

Your purse has been replaced with a bag that screams baby!  You swore you’d never do it. You bought the expensive diaper bag in an attempt to make all the crap you have to carry look cute.  But then one day it hits you: this baby just keeps getting bigger and keeps needing more and more stuff. And then you look at your expensive diaper bag, the one that you told yourself you would take care of, and realize that there’s no way it can fit all the junk  you need, and you’re tired of freaking out every time anything spills or gets close to spoiling the bag. Ugh. It’s not that cute anyway and it still screams baby!

You spend time weighing the pros and cons of alcohol. You’re fine without a drink, you don’t miss it that bad. You don’t think you’re supposed to drink and breastfeed.  You see on Facebook that a glass or two of alcohol wont completely devastate your baby, so you google how much you can drink and still safely breastfeed. You consider buying those tester strips to measure the exact amount of alcohol in your breast milk, you know, because you’re responsible and all. God, you could really use just one glass. That would really help you get a good night’s sleep. You deserve a night with your girlfriends and a bottle of red wine. You decide to nurse your baby before your drink and then again once your buzz wears off, because Google says that’s okay and your neighbor confirms it. Your partner likes the way you act after a glass of wine and then you worry about surprisingly ending up pregnant (again). Ok, I don’t need a glass that bad.

You have at least a 100 pictures of your baby on your phone at this very moment. It doesn’t matter if your baby is only a couple of days old. You may have thought it was annoying before you had kids, but now you have been enlightened.  Everything they do is so cute.  Every expression is different. And they have your mouth (or his nose)!  It’s so adorable, and you just can’t stand it so you need to take a couple of (more) pictures to prove just how awesome this baby is.  Don’t worry…I get it 😉

Until my next delivery ❤

How to REALLY Help Someone After They’ve Had a Baby, According to an OB Nurse


15 thoughts on “10 Signs You’re the Parent of a Newborn

  • March 15, 2015 at 6:40 pm
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    Reblogged this on One Day At A Time and commented:
    8 of 10 definitely apply! No leaky boobs or weighing the pros and cons of alcohol as I am no longer breastfeeding.

    Everything is planned around our daily routine! I refuse to schedule anything after 7pm as I put Mackenzie to bed at 7:30-8pm now.

    Reply
  • March 15, 2015 at 8:11 pm
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    Reblogging as well. We only work around the sleep schedule and now that we’re eating solids we go out right after a feeding but have to be home by naptime.

    Reply
  • March 15, 2015 at 8:15 pm
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    Reblogged this on A Wife, A Social Worker, and A Mom and commented:
    Several of these are true. Except I bring bate minimum out. Wipes, extra diapers and that’s it. Also as I am not breastfeeding alcohol isn’t an issue either. The biggest “YES” moment for me is how things only work around eating and sleeping schedule. As we are eating solids at every meal it’s easier to have her home in the highchair rather than bringing more with us.

    Reply
  • March 16, 2015 at 1:18 am
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    I would say that these were all definitely true in the newborn period – except alcohol (not a drinker). I remember with each of my babies the incredible CONSUMING nature of that newborn period; leaky boobs, leaky eyes from hormone tears, and trying to figure out when I could go to Target for a mini-vacay! Ahh…and now that I have teenagers there are some things eerily similar to that newborn period….LOL

    Reply
  • March 16, 2015 at 3:17 pm
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    Both my kids slept in our room for the first months, and one time, when my daughter was little, my mom stayed over when my husband was on a business trip. In the middle of the night, she needed something from me, so she tiptoed in and super quietly woke me up, whispering without even using any breath hardly. I answered her as quietly as I could and she started to tiptoe back out in the complete dark. She was almost out of the room when all of a sudden we both heard the WHEEZE-SQUEAK of her stepping on Sophie the Giraffe. It startled her and she tried to take her foot back off as fast as she could, but she lost her balance and kicked the Happy Apple all the way across the room, where it jingled and banged against a door. We promptly and simultaneously lost it and broke down in poorly-stifled giggles. I think DD actually managed to stay asleep!

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  • Pingback: 10 Signs You’re Being Raised by a Nurse | Adventures of a Labor Nurse

  • March 21, 2015 at 9:05 am
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    When my daughter was a few months old she fell asleep in my arms. …. I ever so slowly tip toed into her room, gently placed her in her crib and moved to make the quiet exit. Well, she started stirring so I thought is make a run for the light switch thinking she may stay sleeping in the dark room! Instead I stubbed my toe on the door jam, instantly seeing stars, I feel to my knees making a loud clunk and woke her up anyhow! Broke my middle toe! The entire bottom of my foot was a pool of black and blue, then i limped so bad that i couldn’t carry her into her crib as gracefully as before the toe incident, lol! Oh well, ya win some and you lose some! I’ve told that story to a few of my labor patients during their stay :)

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  • March 26, 2015 at 2:44 am
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    Brilliant! I remember lots of trying to load the dishwasher silently!! Not an easy task! :D

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  • May 23, 2015 at 8:16 pm
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    Now with grandkids, I chuckle at all the comments…and can still remember and relate! By the time the 2nd baby, I’d learned to ignore all my former “rules”, and didn’t worry about noise..I’d run the vacuum under the crib while he slept…and miracle of miracles—he SLEPT!

    Truly, moms, these nights of no sleep, really DO pass!

    Reply

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